Statistics show that 1 in 20 children will lose a parent or sibling by the age of 18. The grief can be overwhelming, but there is a special place in Appleton where kids can get the peer support they need to cope with their loved one's death and lead a happy life.
The Center for Grieving Children opened its doors inside the Boys and Girls Clubs of the Fox Valley 11 years ago. The service is free, but the help they offer to families is something you could never measure in dollars and cents.
Katie Doyle Beneke never imagined she'd have to bury her husband, and father to their child, when he was just 40-years-old.
"It's devastating. You feel like the earth is shattered," she said.
To Paul Beneke, his depression seemed too deep to overcome.
"We sort of knew he was dying and we tried to help him, and he ended up taking his own life," Katie explained. "The first thing that I thought of when Paul died is, 'How am I going to get my Viola through this?'"
So Katie and her three-year-old daughter, Viola, packed up their bags in Oregon and moved back home to Appleton to have the support of family when she could barely get out of bed.
"How can I take care of my child when I can't take care of myself? So you really have to put the oxygen mask on yourself and call in the troops to help you take care of your own child, and this center appeared," she said with a chuckle.
The Center for Grieving Children welcomed Katie and Viola with open arms.
"We work on helping a child adjust to life without that person in it," explained Center Director Loris Damerow.
She and her team of volunteers put on two family nights a month where children, like Viola, can freely express their feelings in a safe environment. They also learn coping skills and participate in remembrance activities to keep their loved one's memory alive.
When talking about Viola, Katie says, "She's learned to be very open about when she misses dad and when she needs dad, and when she wishes he was there."
Damerow says, The biggest thing that we have to offer is that normalizing factor where kids can see that they're not alone in the process."
Katie adds, "It's such a beautiful thing to see your child bond with other children that are going through the same things."
Katie has bonded with other parents at the center as well.
"We support each other through all the tough stuff like holidays and birthdays and anniversaries, and behavioral problems that sometimes happen with grief and loss in children."
But the nights are also uplifting with a group dinner, play time with therapy dogs, and other fun activities planned by volunteers.
"I hope that I can make some of the children just feel better about their days. I hope I can make them laugh and be someone that they can talk to and trust," said volunteer Karilyn Robinson.
Katie can't imagine what life would be like if she and Viola didn't have the center to lean on.
"I don't know what we'd do. I think we'd find ways, but I think that because we have it, we're richer for it."
And so are the 180 kids and adults the center served last year who found hope and healing in this special place.
The Center for Grieving Children is always looking for volunteers to help with family nights. They also rely on donations to keep the program running. Click here to learn more.
